Answer me this:

Why would someone go to the trouble to steal one of my garbage cans--and leave the lid behind?

I had been contemplating creating the following sign and sticking it in my front yard:


LOST: GARBAGE CAN
NO QUESTIONS ASKED
IF RETURNED
IN ONE PIECE.

or maybe this:

IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH
TO STEAL A GARBAGE CAN
WITH AN INCH OF STICKY
ROTTEN ICE CREAM IN THE
BOTTOM, THEN WHY DIDN'T
YOU TAKE THE LID WITH YOU?

or this:

TO THE THIEF WHO TOOK MY
GARBAGE CAN:
IF I HAD BEEN A THIEF IN SEARCH
OF A GARBAGE CAN, I WOULD HAVE
TAKEN THE NEW ONE, NOT THE
OLD ONE WITH AN INCH OF STICKY
ROTTEN ICE CREAM IN THE BOTTOM.
BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU WEREN'T SMART
ENOUGH TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

Or here's a good one:

Thanks so much for stealing my garbage can. I didn't really want to clean out the inch of sticky rotten ice cream stuck to the bottom anyway. However, you forgot the lid, so here it is. Next time you need a garbage can, I suggest you go buy one like everyone else!

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