Yesterday:
Another fight. I don't particularly feel like writing down the particulars. Let's suffice to say that someone had better quit insulting me, or I'll be gone before he can blink. I am sick and tired of the juvenile antics around here. I left the "stupid moron" nah nah nah nah name calling behind me in third grade. GROW UP, dammit!
"Stupid moron. I don't have to tell you everything."
"I asked one simple question. You said, "You need to fill this out." I said, "What?" I was in the other room; I had no idea what you were talking about. Why couldn't you have answered me?"
"If you're too stupid to look on your desk, I shouldn't have any reason at all to tell you anything."
"It was a simple question! All you had to do was say, "It's on your desk!!!!"
"You could have come in here and found that out just fine."
"You could have answered me just as easily!!!"
And on, and on, and on, and on...
It was actually rather more a one-sided fight, with yours truly not paying much attention until he starting feeding me obvious falsehoods.
"You've been on the computer all day, haven't you?"
"Nope. I've been cleaning the bedroom and my closet out all day."
"I could have had it done in two hours."
"I'm not you."
"You have no idea how to organize your time."
"Cleaning out my closet takes time. I had to decide what to keep and what I didn't want anymore; what I needed to try on..."
"You're too fat to wear any of it anyway; why don't you just get rid of it all?"
"You had no reason to say that."
"Fat and stupid."
"Chris, grow up. I'm not in fourth grade anymore. You're acting like a child."
And on, and on, and on, and on...
Oh, I was told I might as well leave again, and in the same breath told that a schedule that had us working together at household chores will save our so-called marriage.
Guess who is supposed to write out the schedule?
I said, "Why bother with the schedule if you've already made up your mind?"
I was also told, "Just wait."
"Wait for what?"
"You'll see."
"Okay..."
"You'll see. In two months."
"What's in two months?"
"You'll see."
Buddy, I'm going to be gone in less than two months. I've had it with you far beyond the scope of normal patience.
I brought up counseling (again.) For him. He ignored me. I said, "Chris, you need to go to counseling to find out why you have to try to beat others down. Why you have to insult me all the time."
"Because you're stupid."
*sigh*
---------------------------------
There is no earthly reason why he acts this way. Seriously. Yes, the house is cluttered, but it's not a pigsty like he likes to say. It needs a good cleaning. Of course he did nothing in the two weeks I was gone, save for the dishes. I was surprised, even for that. (Funny this is; he did his own laundry and ruined three workshirts and one pair of jeans!! The first time I accidentally washed something red with his clothes and ruined a good shirt and two pairs of socks, I hid them in the garbage so he wouldn't yell...) He tells me he wants to do more stuff with me, then tells me he wants to get a divorce and he has no interest in me whatsoever. He says, "You need a punch in the jaw. You need two black eyes." I say, "What is it with you and threatening violence? How do you expect me to react to that? Do you expect me to be frightened? Do you expect me to fall down on my knees and do whatever you say? That's not going to happen, Chris. We're not in grade school anymore. You do not threaten your wife with violence to get her to obey you. Do you expect me to respect you when you say stuff like that?" I've told him more than once that it isn't acceptable to threaten someone you're supposed to love. I don't care what his father did, or his mother did, or his stepmother did. That is not acceptable in my life.
Of course I have yet to get through to him, but I won't stop trying, at least until I leave. Whatever I have to say is slated as stupid even before it comes out of my mouth. I told him he needs to talk to an impartial outsider, but he always shrugs me off.
You can't see the forest for the trees... Ack.
Anyway, the biggest reason I'm documenting all of this here is because I read journals are admissable in court, just in case I'd ever need to submit it as proof of emotional abuse. Because all of this is verbatim. I have a good ear for dialogues, especially negative ones.
-------------------------
I have pretty much given up on organization. At least the kind of organization Chris insists on. I'm never going to be ultra-organized (Martha Stewart.) I am packing in a semi-organized manner, though, and I will have all my crafts, etc., organized as well as I can in the new space. I'm not going to be a slob, like Chris insists I am. I am going to strive for organized chaos again. I liked it when I had that. :)
So far, things are going well on the packing side. Yesterday I managed to go through all but my two drawers of pajamas (Why, oh why do I need two drawers of pajamas?) so I will go through those drawers this morning. I'm doing laundry, too, and I just did my 80 cent skirt from Florida, so I have to stick it in the dryer and hope it doesn't wrinkle too much. I did a load of red clothes together, btw. *g* So I have to get the laundry going as soon as I'm done with this, and start putting my sweaters in sweater bags.
Writing? Well... I haven't written, but I've thought about Fire and Water a bit. I was serious, though; it's going to be a low priority until I move.
Another fight. I don't particularly feel like writing down the particulars. Let's suffice to say that someone had better quit insulting me, or I'll be gone before he can blink. I am sick and tired of the juvenile antics around here. I left the "stupid moron" nah nah nah nah name calling behind me in third grade. GROW UP, dammit!
"Stupid moron. I don't have to tell you everything."
"I asked one simple question. You said, "You need to fill this out." I said, "What?" I was in the other room; I had no idea what you were talking about. Why couldn't you have answered me?"
"If you're too stupid to look on your desk, I shouldn't have any reason at all to tell you anything."
"It was a simple question! All you had to do was say, "It's on your desk!!!!"
"You could have come in here and found that out just fine."
"You could have answered me just as easily!!!"
And on, and on, and on, and on...
It was actually rather more a one-sided fight, with yours truly not paying much attention until he starting feeding me obvious falsehoods.
"You've been on the computer all day, haven't you?"
"Nope. I've been cleaning the bedroom and my closet out all day."
"I could have had it done in two hours."
"I'm not you."
"You have no idea how to organize your time."
"Cleaning out my closet takes time. I had to decide what to keep and what I didn't want anymore; what I needed to try on..."
"You're too fat to wear any of it anyway; why don't you just get rid of it all?"
"You had no reason to say that."
"Fat and stupid."
"Chris, grow up. I'm not in fourth grade anymore. You're acting like a child."
And on, and on, and on, and on...
Oh, I was told I might as well leave again, and in the same breath told that a schedule that had us working together at household chores will save our so-called marriage.
Guess who is supposed to write out the schedule?
I said, "Why bother with the schedule if you've already made up your mind?"
I was also told, "Just wait."
"Wait for what?"
"You'll see."
"Okay..."
"You'll see. In two months."
"What's in two months?"
"You'll see."
Buddy, I'm going to be gone in less than two months. I've had it with you far beyond the scope of normal patience.
I brought up counseling (again.) For him. He ignored me. I said, "Chris, you need to go to counseling to find out why you have to try to beat others down. Why you have to insult me all the time."
"Because you're stupid."
*sigh*
There is no earthly reason why he acts this way. Seriously. Yes, the house is cluttered, but it's not a pigsty like he likes to say. It needs a good cleaning. Of course he did nothing in the two weeks I was gone, save for the dishes. I was surprised, even for that. (Funny this is; he did his own laundry and ruined three workshirts and one pair of jeans!! The first time I accidentally washed something red with his clothes and ruined a good shirt and two pairs of socks, I hid them in the garbage so he wouldn't yell...) He tells me he wants to do more stuff with me, then tells me he wants to get a divorce and he has no interest in me whatsoever. He says, "You need a punch in the jaw. You need two black eyes." I say, "What is it with you and threatening violence? How do you expect me to react to that? Do you expect me to be frightened? Do you expect me to fall down on my knees and do whatever you say? That's not going to happen, Chris. We're not in grade school anymore. You do not threaten your wife with violence to get her to obey you. Do you expect me to respect you when you say stuff like that?" I've told him more than once that it isn't acceptable to threaten someone you're supposed to love. I don't care what his father did, or his mother did, or his stepmother did. That is not acceptable in my life.
Of course I have yet to get through to him, but I won't stop trying, at least until I leave. Whatever I have to say is slated as stupid even before it comes out of my mouth. I told him he needs to talk to an impartial outsider, but he always shrugs me off.
You can't see the forest for the trees... Ack.
Anyway, the biggest reason I'm documenting all of this here is because I read journals are admissable in court, just in case I'd ever need to submit it as proof of emotional abuse. Because all of this is verbatim. I have a good ear for dialogues, especially negative ones.
I have pretty much given up on organization. At least the kind of organization Chris insists on. I'm never going to be ultra-organized (Martha Stewart.) I am packing in a semi-organized manner, though, and I will have all my crafts, etc., organized as well as I can in the new space. I'm not going to be a slob, like Chris insists I am. I am going to strive for organized chaos again. I liked it when I had that. :)
So far, things are going well on the packing side. Yesterday I managed to go through all but my two drawers of pajamas (Why, oh why do I need two drawers of pajamas?) so I will go through those drawers this morning. I'm doing laundry, too, and I just did my 80 cent skirt from Florida, so I have to stick it in the dryer and hope it doesn't wrinkle too much. I did a load of red clothes together, btw. *g* So I have to get the laundry going as soon as I'm done with this, and start putting my sweaters in sweater bags.
Writing? Well... I haven't written, but I've thought about Fire and Water a bit. I was serious, though; it's going to be a low priority until I move.
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