Once upon a time, when I was about 11 or 12, my school had a assembly in the gym. I was sitting on the bleachers, minding my own business, looking for a friend of mine so she could come and sit with me.
Two rather stuck-up girls were sitting on the bleacher steps above me, and they were talking quite earnestly about something. I wasn't paying them any attention, because I had no true desire to listen in on their conversation.
Until I heard the name of a friend of mine, and a rather not-so-nice nickname of hers came out of one of the girls' mouths. I will admit, my mouth dropped open in shock, because up until then, these two girls had been semi-acquaintances of mine, meaning we didn't really hang out in the same group, but they would speak to me. *g* And I honestly thought better of these two girls.
So I said, "What did you say?"
And the one girl said, "None of your business."
I said, "So-and-so is a friend of mine, and she's not like that."
The other girl reached out, grabbed my chin and forcibly turned my face away from them.
"Mind your own business," the other one said. To her credit, she did look a bit embarrassed.
I was absolutely horrified by their behavior. And they continued their conversation, ignoring me completely.
I had never felt so betrayed in my entire life. Now yes, you can say that kids are cruel, but these two girls obviously didn't care enough about the truth to allow me to dispute the rumors, and they didn't care enough about our supposed 'friendship' to believe I knew what I was talking about.
I never spoke to those two girls again. I got up, walked away from them and later told my friend what they had said. She was not surprised, having heard the same rumors, but at least she knew someone was sticking up for her, however little good it actually did.
I also told her that because of these two girls' behavior, I would not be hanging around with those girls anymore. Interestingly enough, out of the 'popular' group, six of them never spoke to me after that, but one, who I'd grown up with, did. Now she didn't abandon her friends because of the way they viewed my friend or me, but she did make an effort to be friends with all of us. I even went to her wedding, later on. :)
I still don't hold grudges against these girls, of course. That would be stupid, and I'm not really the type to hold grudges. But I remember how it felt to have a friend defamed like that, and I could not stand by and watch it happen again.
Years later, I wrote the nice girl a letter, explaining the reason for our break. She said she understood, and having heard my side of the story, felt that I had done the right thing. I thought so too.
I wouldn't feel so betrayed about this if I had been allowed to defend my friend. But I was not, in both this past incident and the current one. So I walked away. Because I value friendship over the good of the order. Because I can't stand silent and watch someone I care for defamed in public. And I can't allow myself to be censored when I strove to be polite about my disagreement.
And that is the reason why I stand by my friends. And that is the reason why I resigned from my moderator postition at Forward Motion. And yes, this is a true story, and happened exactly the way I wrote it. Just in case anyone wondered.
And this will be the last post I will ever write about this subject in this blog.
Thanks for reading. I hope some of you stick around. :)
Two rather stuck-up girls were sitting on the bleacher steps above me, and they were talking quite earnestly about something. I wasn't paying them any attention, because I had no true desire to listen in on their conversation.
Until I heard the name of a friend of mine, and a rather not-so-nice nickname of hers came out of one of the girls' mouths. I will admit, my mouth dropped open in shock, because up until then, these two girls had been semi-acquaintances of mine, meaning we didn't really hang out in the same group, but they would speak to me. *g* And I honestly thought better of these two girls.
So I said, "What did you say?"
And the one girl said, "None of your business."
I said, "So-and-so is a friend of mine, and she's not like that."
The other girl reached out, grabbed my chin and forcibly turned my face away from them.
"Mind your own business," the other one said. To her credit, she did look a bit embarrassed.
I was absolutely horrified by their behavior. And they continued their conversation, ignoring me completely.
I had never felt so betrayed in my entire life. Now yes, you can say that kids are cruel, but these two girls obviously didn't care enough about the truth to allow me to dispute the rumors, and they didn't care enough about our supposed 'friendship' to believe I knew what I was talking about.
I never spoke to those two girls again. I got up, walked away from them and later told my friend what they had said. She was not surprised, having heard the same rumors, but at least she knew someone was sticking up for her, however little good it actually did.
I also told her that because of these two girls' behavior, I would not be hanging around with those girls anymore. Interestingly enough, out of the 'popular' group, six of them never spoke to me after that, but one, who I'd grown up with, did. Now she didn't abandon her friends because of the way they viewed my friend or me, but she did make an effort to be friends with all of us. I even went to her wedding, later on. :)
I still don't hold grudges against these girls, of course. That would be stupid, and I'm not really the type to hold grudges. But I remember how it felt to have a friend defamed like that, and I could not stand by and watch it happen again.
Years later, I wrote the nice girl a letter, explaining the reason for our break. She said she understood, and having heard my side of the story, felt that I had done the right thing. I thought so too.
I wouldn't feel so betrayed about this if I had been allowed to defend my friend. But I was not, in both this past incident and the current one. So I walked away. Because I value friendship over the good of the order. Because I can't stand silent and watch someone I care for defamed in public. And I can't allow myself to be censored when I strove to be polite about my disagreement.
And that is the reason why I stand by my friends. And that is the reason why I resigned from my moderator postition at Forward Motion. And yes, this is a true story, and happened exactly the way I wrote it. Just in case anyone wondered.
And this will be the last post I will ever write about this subject in this blog.
Thanks for reading. I hope some of you stick around. :)
Comments