December 9th is my freedom day. Freedom from an abusive marriage; freedom to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life; freedom to live on my own terms.

It's been 6 years. Sometimes I can't believe it's been that long.

Have things gone completely perfectly? Of course not, because life isn't perfect. And everything could fall apart tomorrow. That's the way life is. But overall, I can't complain about anything in the past six years.

Six years ago, I wrote this letter to God. And he provided me with a good job--a job that allowed me to buy the house where I sit right now (or, at least, get a mortgage for said house--and not a subprime mortgage, either!) and a car, and pay for things that interest me and allowed me to learn a lot of new things as well.

On this December 9th of this year--2008--I'm writing another letter, because things are uncertain again and I'd really like to think that things will work out again. That my job won't go away. That I'll still have my job this time next year. That my family will remain safe and healthy.

Dear Lord,

I can't express how much you've blessed me during the past six years. Sometimes I look around and wonder just why I have stayed on my feet when so many people around me have stumbled. I can only think that you have something in mind for me; something I haven't figured out quite yet.

I trusted you once, and you provided; I'm praying now that I can trust you again and you will provide. But things aren't great, economy-wise, and while I'm fine with what I'm making now (and could even be making a bit less--I wish they'd offer us 32 hour work-weeks, for example; I would jump on that even though I'd lose a day's worth of pay) I really wouldn't be able to pay my mortgage, car payment, or anything else without my job.

And I realize that a lot of people have lost their jobs already, and I know I'm not more special than anyone else. Perhaps it's a selfish wish that my job stick around, but I have to think that since I've gotten this far in the last six years, do you want me to have to start all over again? Maybe you do. I guess I will see.

In the past six years, my books have actually started selling quite nicely, I've learned so many new things, and I've started working through what kinds of things are really more important than others. But I am the sole supporter of my household. And this uncertainty has made me stop listening to the news now, because I don't need any more anxiety. And I'm not anxious all the time, either; it's just a passing comment at work, or someone mentioning more layoffs, or slashed budgets.

If I get laid off, I will lose my house. It might not happen right away, but it will happen, because I can't find a job that pays me a wage like the one I have now--and that's one of the things that makes me even more uneasy, because I really don't like all of my income tied up into one job. So I'm working on that as well.

I haven't gotten to the point where I'm not writing yet; that was earlier this summer, and I realized soon enough that not writing makes things much worse. And I won't stop writing, either, because my books
are selling, despite the economy. Stories are still reasonably priced, after all.

Times are hard all over. But all I'm really asking is that things turn out okay. I don't want to move backwards; I want to continue to move forward. I want to get rid of the rest of my credit card debt (working on it still, yes, a bit slower than I expected initially, but there's movement) and I want to then put that money towards other things. I'd like to pay off my car a bit early. I'd like to then pay off my house, and have my financial plan work out. (And just as an aside; it's a bit difficult to do a financial plan when you really don't know what will happen in the next few months or even the next year. And I think this is the part of the uncertainty that really bothers me. A lot.)

So anyway, I'd really like to believe that things will work out. That I won't lose my house, or my car, or my cats or my dog. That by putting my trust in you, I will be okay.

I've had so many miracles in my life, and I have to believe they've been given to me for a reason. So what I'm going to do is keep praying, and stick to my plan.

And hope for the best.




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